Believing in yourself is often touted as the cause of success. But if you struggle with low self-esteem, self-love, confidence etc., it’s not easy to believe in yourself. You may struggle to step outside of your comfort zone and look for a way to make your life better. You may believe that you don’t have the means to better or that you don’t deserve a better life.
This where you are wrong. You CAN change your life, BUT, you have to start with changing some of your thought processes and believing that YOU CAN do it.
In order to do so, you first have to identify what’s holding you back. Let’s look at the three most common self-esteem killers that can keep you from living out your true potential.
Do you look around and feel like everyone else has a handle on life except you? This is a pretty common feeling, ESPECIALLY in the online space. Maybe you have a friend on Instagram who always seems to have a clean house. However, what you don’t see, is what her house looks like when the kids are sick, or when she has a busy week playing taxi with her teens and there hasn’t been time to do even one load of laundry!
Seeing your friend’s good days can leave you feeling like you’re a failure because your house isn't clean all the time like hers. Social media almost always shows us the the best side of someone’s life. You rarely see the ugly parts, too. It’s important to remember this when you’re scrolling through your news feed.
The past often shapes us and affects us far more than we realize. Negative situations in your past can make it hard for you to believe in yourself. Maybe you were in a toxic relationship with a partner who verbally abused you. Maybe you grew up with an alcoholic parent or maybe you were bullied in school. Your past can be the biggest threat to your present if you don’t take action. It can take a toll on your person and crush your sense of confidence. If you’ve been in a bad situation in the past, you’ll need to re-train your thought process. You may need the help of a therapist to help you deal with painful situations from your past that are keeping you stuck.
Are there current relationships with a dynamic that keeps you questioning yourself? Sometimes, other people can undermine your sense of self-esteem. They may do it subtly by making unkind remarks and dismissing these remarks as jokes. They may discourage you from taking action a project you were really excited about. They may tell you that you’re not good enough to reach your goals. There are very few things that are more painful than a friend or loved one who is unkind and unsupportive. If possible, try having a conversation with this person about their behavior and how it makes you feel. When expressing your feelings, try not to put the blame on the other person and use statements like, “when you do this _______, it makes me feel like this _______. This way you can help them understand how their behavior affects you. In a healthy relationship, there’s room on both sides for honesty. But if your loved one or friend still won’t be supportive, you should really consider limiting how often you interact with them. If you do have to be around this person for some reason, have a nurturing activity planned for yourself for after your interaction.
Believe it or not, just as you can change the channel on the radio from song that you dislike, you can also change the thoughts about yourself from negative to positive. It will take a lot of work and wont happen immediately, however, as you begin to focus on ALL of the positive qualities you own, you’ll begin to experience a boost in your self-confidence and find it easier to believe in yourself!!